i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
