You work out of a Hotel?
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
