There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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