What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Randomize
