I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
