Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
