you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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