There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
