did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
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