No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
