So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
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