did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Randomize
