could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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