3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
