Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Randomize
