Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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