I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
