Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Blood and glitter go together right?
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I need a beard to bite.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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