Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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