I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
