Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
