Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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