Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Randomize
