he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I want to be your penis for a week.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
