I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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