he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
