ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
