Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
