So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
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