Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
