i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
