it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
