To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
