life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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