just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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