last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
