Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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