Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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