Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
