she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
All the doctor said was why
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
