My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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