you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
