All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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