everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
