I think I died a long time ago.
im six kinds of drunk right now
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
