It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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