I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
