i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
