clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
