I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
My vagina just recognized that song.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
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