I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
