Tell her she can't have a vagina
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
