woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize
