I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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