It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Randomize
